we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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