Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
