were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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