Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
