You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
