its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
