I'm gonna have a badass scar
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
