No stitches, just platelets and will power
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
