Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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