Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
3pm strippers are depressing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
