My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
