They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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