just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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