Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
