I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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