god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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