I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
