That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
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