Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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