Pass out mid-funnel last night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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