It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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