I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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