will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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