Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
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i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
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By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize