I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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