this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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