Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize