Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize