Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
