The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
