wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
