it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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