We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
