Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
