I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
accomplished twins. life is a go
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
