we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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