My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
