Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
