I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
