Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
