i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
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It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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