We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
