I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
