Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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