We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
