i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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