Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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