D3 body, D1 cock
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
