Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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