Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
