I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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