I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
