the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
