Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
