You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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