Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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