The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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