You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
