dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
operation have a gay friend backfired
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
