yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she looked like the before picture.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
