apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
