yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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