listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
