also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
