just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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