the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
