This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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